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Shane’s Story, Episode 3: On My Own

Shane’s Story is a eight episode blog post where Shane tells her story in her own words.  Each week in December, on Mondays and Thursdays at 8 a.m. you can click on both the radio spot and then read the Episode of this special gal’s story. Tweet it to your friends – it gets better as we get closer to Christmas, and Shane’s special Christmas wish to each of you. Hold tight! it is going to be a great ride! Merry Christmas!”

Click the play button to hear a part of her story, then read the rest below:

When I was 16 I left the foster home. For a little bit I went back home, test the waters thinking that maybe, maybe it will be better this time. Maybe they will actually take me seriously, but uh, nope. I ended up getting kicked out.  I guess I kind of exploded after a bit…

Drugs started pretty young, I think 14. Someone asked me if I wanted to smoke some grass. I said don’t be stupid you don’t smoke grass, but then he explained it and that was my first time.

It was really weird the first time, it wasn’t very pleasant. But I kept doing it. It was ok. Then my friends introduced me to a boy – I  kinda ended up dating him for awhile and almost got pregnant. He would steal beer from his Dad because his Dad was an alcoholic, so we all started drinking. He couldn’t even keep track of how many beers he had. He would buy like 3 or 4 two-fours and take 5 out of box and you would never know (laughter). He figured he drank them.

When I was at the foster home, I got into a band and the drummer of the band was into ecstasy and he offered me some. I didn’t know what it was, he explained it to me and I took that.

After that I went crazy.

I started doing Ritalin. I met another boy who I started dating and he had ADHD so he had hard Ritalin. So he would toss me a few of those.  I would get messed up. Then it was uppers, downers, all arounders… it wasn’t until that I started doing dirty street drugs, like the really gross stuff that I saw how much trouble I was in. I’m gonna die! But it was a way to escape, to stop being angry for a while. If I was messed up I could talk more I would make more friends, people start calling me. Who the hell are you? Sure ya I’ll go hang out (laughter).

I started doing Gravol because I could get a lot of it, that’s easy because I could go into the pharmacy that’s easy just take like 5 or 10 of them. Have a good day. Then it was MDMA, mushrooms, acid and then after that I got into ketamine. I never banged needles. I am afraid of the flu shot so why I am gonna stick myself ? I almost did but once it touched the skin I was like no I can’t it’s gonna hurt.  I never did that. But if I could put it up my nose, up my nose it went. If I couldn’t, I wouldn’t buy it.

I started getting paranoid thinking I was gonna have a heart attack. I’m gonna fall asleep and my heart will actually slow down and stop and I’ll die. Eventually that got to be too much and you would start getting mad at yourself if did it because you knew it was going to happen. I knew that I would freak out but I did it anyways. Then I started to snap out of it.  Eventually you start saying no or like prolonged periods without. That was pretty cool. I don’t think many people snap themselves out of it.

This was just a couple years ago. When I was living in Quebec I had hit my worse like, 5 speed pills a day.

Worse worse. And I would still like push for more. If I could get a little bit more that day I would get a little bit more.

I had to run away from my boyfriend. He kept wanting to do drugs and I didn’t want to anymore. He keeps getting scary so I packed my bags & I left.

That was the worst time of my life: getting off speed.

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